Bird says... "10 year old Islay pick-me-up, lay-me-down, fork my head now please mummy smoker.

Sniff it.

It's a first aid kit. It's full of seaweed. It's rich with highly compressed, pitch black, decomposing humous.

Sip it.

It slides down your throat, pausing only to twat your tonsils a couple of times, and then fills your frontal lobes with burley, thick-set, furrowed-thighed island women smelling of licorice root.

(Possibly true anecdote: during US prohibition, Laphroaig was allowed into the country from Scotland since it was labeled “disinfectant”. Definitely true anecdote: original owner & distiller died after falling into a vat of pre-Laphroaig...)"

Quaz says... '"What can you say? It's a monster. It is to other Scotish single malts as Jorden is to a catwalk model. Enough Iodene to wipe out a ward full of MRSI. If you like your red wine rich, strong, and obvious , then you'll love Laphroaig. No holds barred, 'Hey look at me, I'm a malt, are those your tonsils? Smack!'. Lovely finish, and it lasts so long you'll be sipping one shot for weeks."

Chump slurs... "Robust and manly. Seawater tang with a pinch of steroidal bodybuilder's sweat. In a pinch you could create a reasonable facsimile of Laphroig using soy sauce, relish, and paint thinner. Avoid at all cost. If you find some Laphroig get rid of it by sending it to: Andrew Langston, Austin, Texas, USA. The most unique tasting scotch Whisky."

Here's The Chumplick Laphroaig Experience:

Guhh says... "blah blah blah"

Laphroaig Quarter Cask